http://www.alternet.org/rights/90292/?page=entire
Warmongerer and neocon Christopher Hitchens just noticed that waterboarding is torture!
Stop the presses! Christopher Hitchens just noticed that waterboarding is torture!
Hitchens announced the news like he'd brought it down from Mount Sinai, in a Vanity Fair article.
"Believe me," he told a waiting nation, "it's torture." Well, yeah. It
usually is, when it happens to you. When it happens to somebody else,
it's "extreme interrogation." I thought everybody over the age of 5
knew that, but as usual, I misoverestimated the media. Hitchens' tame
little torture session is the biggest S&M video on the web since
"9½ Weeks."
Hitchens' video
is totally fake -- there's even soft-rock background music playing on
the video, better music than you usually get at the dentist's office,
and his "interrogators" treat him more like a client getting a mud pack
at a spa than a real suspect in Iraq. That makes it even more
disgusting that Hitch caved in after only 11 seconds of having water
poured over a towel on his face. Eleven seconds! Think about the
timeline here: For five long years he supported this stuff when it was
happening to other people. Once it happened to him, he needed exactly
11 seconds to see the light.
Of course if Hitchens had been a
real Iraqi suspect, they'd never have had to waterboard him at all.
They do that to tough suspects, not wimps like him. In a real torture
cell, everything would be a lot tougher from the start. For example,
Chris wouldn't be in the nice dress shirt and slacks he's wearing on
the video. He'd be naked -- a gross image, what a lifetime of booze and
lying does to the body, but we have to be hard-nosed here -- because
keeping the prisoner naked is basic interrogation strategy, especially
with a culture as horrified of gettin' nekkid as Arabs are. You'll
recall that in those Abu Ghraib pictures, the prisoners were naked.
So
that's fake already, and the video gets faker as it goes. The guys
"interrogating" him are fat, middle-aged, mild-mannered dudes. They
don't even yell at him. A real suspect in Iraq would be snatched off
the street, smacked around until he passes out, stripped and dumped
into a cell with a hood over his head. He wouldn't be able to sleep off
his misery, either, because sleep deprivation is one of the oldest,
most effective tortures. The interrogators would maintain this schedule
for hours, days, weeks, depending on how well and how soon the victim
breaks down. When they think he's ready -- like, they notice with
satisfaction that he screams like a steam whistle every time he hears
footsteps in the corridor -- they drag him out of his cell and strap
him onto that waterboarding table.
Well, Chris is a busy man and
didn't have time for all that background research, so what you see in
this video is a guy who hasn't been so much as slapped or yelled at.
Who probably just finished a 10-martini lunch at some upscale
restaurant. That's ridiculous enough, but the interrogators make it
even more ridiculous with their little introduction to the torture
session. One guy says, "All right, listen up, I'm going to give you
some instructions ..." Then he tells the fat man on the table, "We're
going to place metal objects in each of your hands," and if he feels
"unbearable stress" at any time, all he has to do is drop the objects
and they'll stop.
I've had dentists who did root canals on me
without being that nice; they stuck to "this is going to hurt." More to
the point here, putting the victim in "unbearable stress" is, uh, the
whole point of torture, or "extreme interrogation," or whatever you
want to call it. The last thing you'd ever do is give the victim a
sense of power, like he can stop the process by dropping a "metal
object" on the floor.
That kind of etiquette is what you get from
those expensive dominatrixes English dudes like to get whipped by, or
those nerf BDSM sites that talk about "consensual power exchanges."
What reminded me most of those BDSM sites is the "code word" they tell
Hitchens he can use to stop the waterboarding: "That word is red,
R-E-D." They ask him if he understands and he says, "Yes, sir." That
"sir" only added to the ridiculous porn feel here, like Hitchens was
paying a hundred pounds an hour to have Baron Whipsong or Lady Cruella,
whichever way he likes it, wear out their riding crop on his eager
little bum.
The real thing isn't nearly so nice. After you've
been beaten on bruises (which hurt more each time) for a few days, they
slam the cell door open, screaming abuse at you, kick you to your feet
and take you down the corridor, slamming your head into the walls as
often as they feel like it, and strap you down. And all the time
they're screaming: "OK, you worthless (Arabic obscenity here) -- We're
through with you! We don't even want you any more! Ever drown before,
(obscenity)? Ever go swimming head-first, (obscenity)?"
If you
remember "The Big Lebowski," you can get a better idea of what
waterboarding is like by remembering the scene where the Dude walks
into his bungalow, where Jackie Treehorn's yuppie thugs are waiting for
him. The blond one grabs the Dude's hair and runs him headfirst into
the toilet, screaming, "Where's the money, Lebowski? Where's the money,
shithead?" See, the point is to show overwhelming, terrifying power
over the suspect, not give him little safety words.
But all that
niceness doesn't matter once the torturer's helper takes a plastic milk
container full of water and pours it, bit by bit, over a towel covering
Hitch's face. The "metal object," whatever it is, drops after 11
seconds. And of course these fake interrogators are all over Hitch,
making sure he's OK. That's also totally fake, but why bother listing
any more fake features of this nonsense? The truth is that anybody
who's been through as much dentistry as I have knows that nobody holds
out under torture. It's not just the pain, it's the fear of the pain. I
used to try to be a hero like the ones in my war books every time I
went to have a root canal from the mean old Armenian who did our dental
work. He scrimped on the Novocain, so I had plenty of scope to
practice. And I learned the same thing any sane person knows by the
time they grow up: Nobody can resist torture. Just like anybody knows
what having water poured over a towel on your face is like: It's like
drowning. Duh. Anybody who wanted to know that already knew it.
So
why does Hitchens make such a big show of just realizing it now, after
five years of supporting it? To me, the answer's easy: He's withdrawing
from Iraq, making a big Jesus-on-the-cross demonstration, like a public
punishment, for supporting the war all this time. By getting himself
tortured in this half-assed way, he gives himself a reason to see the
light, desert from the Neocon forces before it's too late. Karl Rove
won't be happy, though, because the last thing the GOP wants is for
people to start realizing what we're actually doing in Iraq. Reminds me
of the debate about abolishing flogging with the cat-o'-nine-tails in
the British Navy. The first time the bill was introduced, everybody
laughed at how ridiculous a notion that was. Then somebody thought of
having a real cat-o'-nine-tails introduced to the House of Commons, a
bloody old Exhibit A. Nobody said a thing; they just voted unanimously
to forbid it.
That's all it takes to change anybody's mind about
torture, getting one little 11-second whiff of it, even if it's nowhere
close to the real thing. The interesting thing is not that Hitchens
changed his mind; it's the strategic thinking that made him decide to
do it now. The timing of this little martyr is the key here, and what
it tells you is that Hitchens is declaring martyrdom and getting out.
He just unilaterally withdrew from Iraq, and in only 11 seconds.